Monday, July 30, 2012

Enoch's Birth

At 1:00 AM:
I had been having contractions consistently for about an hour.  They weren't painful.  But I was almost 40wks along and I was scared to have Enoch at home.  Since my mom had arrived three days prior, Alex and I gathered up our bags and drove to the hospital.  I figured we would be back because I had been having on and off consistent contractions for over three weeks.
We arrived, and I was put in a triage unit and then monitored.  At first these, consistent contractions weren't showing themselves on the monitor, and I was only dilated to a 2, so the nurse was saying how they would be sending me home.  So they waited another hour to see if anything would happen.
2:00 A.M.
Magically my non-painful contractions appeared on the monitor, and the nurse decided to check my cervix to see if it dilated anymore.  Unfortunately it hadn't, yet my once head down baby, was now breeched.  I wasn't in active labor, but since my contractions were consistent and I was so far along in my pregnancy, I was no longer going home.  They doctor on call decided that I would be monitored for about two more hours and then at 5:00 I would be prepped for a c-section and have the procedure done at 6:00.  To say the least I was terrified.  A c-section was the last thing I wanted.  I wanted to go home ... I had been having consistent contractions off and on for three weeks.  Who was to say that these contractions wouldn't pass, and that a few days later my baby would flip back head down?  But alas I was not to get my perfect way.
3:00 A.M.
Alex called our home teacher and asked our home teacher if he would assist Alex in a priesthood blessing.  What I remember the most about the blessing was how Alex asked that God's will would be done.  I was sad that he didn't ask for my will.  (But God's will is obviously better as you will soon find in this story).
4:45 A.M.
My Sweet little baby boy had not flipped head down, yet I was still optimistic that some how he would miraculously flip.  My doctor,  who was supposed to be at the airport at 5:00 A.M. to go to the olympics, had just delivered another baby and mercifully decided to come in and check on me and try to manually flip my baby's head down. (I owe this man cookies or some other delicious bake treat, and probably his anxious family who was waiting for him, may Heaven pour its blessings upon them).  By sure grace and power of my Father and Heaven, with ease, my wonderful doctor flipped my baby head down.  They immediately put a binder on me to keep baby down.
5:00 A.M.
As my wonderful doctor made his exit to head to the airport, he suggested that I should get induced right then, to avoid a repeat of baby breeching himself again.  I readily agreed, and I was admitted to the hospital and taken to a labor and delivery room.  The nurse assigned to me, started my induction and I took a nap.
8:00 A.M. 
I met my new nurse that was assigned to me, for the rest of my labor. 
I would like to take a moment to praise this angel of a women.  She is the embodiment of what a nurse should be.  
I like epidurals, yet I am terrified to get them.  So I try to put off getting them as long as I can handle the pain.  
When I had Evelyn, I tried to put off my epidural and the nurses let me lay in pain waiting for me to give in so they wouldn't have to deal with my moaning.  Yet this Nurse, (her name is Cathie btw) came out with these different kind of birthing balls to help me relieve the pain.  (If you have the option to use the birthing ball in the first stages of your labor or any stage of labor,  it is so wonderful.  It feels so good).  Cathie would talk to us and took the time to get to know us, she also laid out a plan of what birthing balls we could use to help my baby make his appearance.  Not only did she respect my wishes of trying to brave the contractions as long as I could without the epidural but she tried to find natural methods to help me make it as far as I could without meds.  
12:00 P.M.
My body started to kick in with its own oxytocin, and I was starting to go into hard core labor. Cathie checked my cervix and it only had dilated to a 3.  She also checked to see if baby's head was engaged and she felt something else other then the head.  We thought that he breeched himself again.  Cathie went and got a ultra sound tech, and they found that baby was still head down, but his head was tilted to the side and his head wasn't engaged to come out first during birth. He was still floating around in my tummy.
I wanted to wait to get my epidural after they broke my water .... but the birthing ball couldn't cut it anymore.  Even though I was excited to get the epidural, I started to shake because I was so nervous.  As I sat up to get my epidural, Cathie took me in her arms and told me to breathe, and would rub my back. It was so relaxing.  But it really touched me that this woman who was a total stranger, took me in her arms as if I was her own child telling me it would be okay.  She didn't roll her eyes at me for being a wus about getting an epidural.  She really cared.
Cathie checked my cervix again and it was still a 3.  His head was still not engaged, so she went to get the doctor on call to make sure that he was still head down, and if he was, then to break my water to progress my labor and make it so his head wouldn't float around anymore.
The doctor came in to check on me. She confirmed that baby was head down and she checked to make sure that nothing else would come out before the head.  As she was doing so, my water broke and the umbilical cord came out.  As she kept her hand up my cervix to keep the umbilical cord from coming out all the way she proceeded to tell me I would be having a c-section after all . Cathie then seriously asked the doctor if she wanted the OR prepped. The doctor nodded, then added calmly that they needed to hurry.
A few minutes later:
As the doctor and I sat calmly (with suppressed nervousness)  waiting for the OR to be prepared with the doctor still holding the umbilical cord in my uterus/cervix, the baby had moved so the monitor wasn't reading his heart beat.  She tried to find it.  She couldn't.  My heart sank.
Minutes/Seconds later:
Another nurse came in and put her hand up my cervix to hold the umbilical cord so the doctor could get ready to preform c-section.  Then a team of nurses and doctors rushed in shouting ... telling each other to hurry, monitors were ripped off me. My IV bag was thrown on my bed and like a scene off of ER my bed was whisked away to the OR.  The anetheseoligist was pumping all sorts of things in my IV, epidural wire and, I was given other shots elsewhere as I was being taken to the operating room.
If you haven't guessed by now, I was weeping, scared to death, not knowing if my baby would make it.  The anetheseoligist calmly told me I would be okay.  I told him I wasn't worried about me, even though I knew that the drugs that they were pumping into me wouldn't be given time to do their intended numbing when they performed the c-section, but that I was worried for my baby.  Then he told me my baby would be okay too.  I was in the OR and I watched the sheet go up to block my view of my belly. Then felt my skin grabbed by the scalpel as they cut first through my skin, then I felt them cut through my muscles, then I felt it cut to my uterus. My first thought was "this must be what that girl in the Twilight Movie felt like when her baby was ripped from her uterus".  It hurt ... a lot.  But I am sure it would have hurt more if I didn't have my epidural.  Then after that brief morbid thought, I moaned in pain and blindly reached out mentally for any relief.  The next thought that came to mind ... I started to weakly sing through my tears, and oxygen mask a primary song.  "Jesus said Love Everyone".  When I finished that song, the next primary song that came to mind was "I Love to See the Temple".  I was only able to sing the first six words, when they  finally cut through my uterus and all of the sudden someone on the other side of the sheet was shoving down on my stomach just below my rib cage. I was so scared that he was about to break my lower ribs.  I cried/moaned.
After three hard shoves on my abdomen, I hear on the other side of the sheet "He's out".  As milli-seconds passed I waited to hear the life sound of a baby cry.  I heard nothing, except for foot steps that were rushing away. My heart broke.  As the drugs finally started to do their duty, I suddenly cried out again as I felt hands grabbing and rummaging around in my uterus.  They were stripping the placenta from my womb. Then all went black.
Minutes/seconds later:
I was still in the OR and I struggled to open my eyes,  the first thing I hear was "Here is your baby" and  I see a pasty, wide eyed little newborn inches from my face. I thought how sad I was that I couldn't hold him, then I blacked out again, relived that my baby was alive.
More minutes later:
I woke up in another room, all drugged up.  I didn't have my baby or my husband anywhere near.  So I called out to Cathie, and asked her for a hug.  She picked me up in her arms, and held me then kissed me on the forehead telling me that my baby was okay.  I then asked if I could see my husband.  Cathie then sent a nurse to get him.
Alex came in and gave me a hug and updated me how they had to resuscitate Enoch and that he was in the special care nursery for monitoring.  He also told me that they had to stick an IV in his little forehead because they couldn't get any other of his veins. (Poor little guy).
After Alex updated me on Enoch's condition, Cathie came up to us solemnly telling me that my post operation x-ray had come back, and that they saw something foreign was in me.  There was this thin wire going down along my spine.  The doctors, and nurses were baffled to what this foreign object was.  But since the were aware of the object inside me they were going to drug me up again and go back in to remove what ever was inside me.  Then, by the sure blessing of my Heavenly Father, it dawned on my health professionals that the thin wire was a throughly well done epidural.  *Insert big sigh of relief*
I was still heavily drugged as I was wheeled away to the postpartum wing of hospital.  Yet, I had no baby rooming with me.  Deeply saddened that I still only had seen a glimpse of my sweet boy, I was happy to know that he was in excellent care, while I was given time to pull out of my drug induced state.
This was also the time I was told that I would no longer have Cathie as my nurse.  As she started to say goodbye, I whimpered like a small child begging her not to go.  With tears in her eyes, she hugged, and kissed my forehead. We the gave each other tearful goodbyes and she went back to the labor and delivery wing to help some other lucky girl who would have Cathie as her nurse.

The Next day at 8:00 A.M.
I was told I could go and see my baby. The nurse assigned to me helped me shuffle down the hallway from my room to the special nursery (AKA the NICU).  I found Enoch in the isolation room and I was left to sit in a rocking chair waiting for Enoch's nurse to arrive, while my nurse hurried off to assist another mother to get ready to be released from the hospital.
As I sat there in pain from the walk from my room, and woozy from the pain killers, I started to weep because I just couldn't get up by myself to pick-up my own baby.  This would be the first time I would be able to hold, and stare at my baby longer than a second, and I had to wait for a nurse to help me.  I know that my situation was very positive in comparison to many other women who don't get to hold their baby weeks after their born,  but it still broke my heart that I was so incapable to perform such a simple task of picking up and holding my baby.  The nurse found me crying in the room alone, and then after she gave me a tissue, she placed Enoch in my arms, and then I started to weep with joy.

There isn't too much left to tell,  I was able to nurse Enoch the next day.  The day after that he was able to be moved to my room after, he proved that his glucose levels were stable, and the IV was removed from his forehead.  The following afternoon we came home.

To say the least ... we are very blessed.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

I think I am going to try the ... blogging thing.

I have been at war with myself for a year now trying to decided on whether or not to blog.

Why I want to ... well for one thing I would really like to share what my religion is, and how it has influenced my life for the better.  There are also times I just want to share what I have learned through experience, and to help friends and family "feel up to date" in my life, and just share day to day goings ons about me and my sweet little family.
However, I know I might just "soapbox" about things I know nothing about, or when my family needs me I feel a greater desire to service my blog, (I already have Facebook to thank for realizing such a weakness). Then there is the ever growing fear of stalkers that might use my info. for whatever their twisted minds can concoct.  I know I could make my blog private, but that would defeat my first purpose of why I want to blog.  I also don't want to have the upkeep of two blogs either.  So ... I guess I will venture on this new frontier and see how it goes.